American pop singer and songwriter, Cil, shares emotions behind most recent EP

From Colorado to California at a young age, American singer and songwriter Cil has found her purpose in life through the arts and expression of music. A proven lyrical genius, Cil’s music is spread through several genres of music like Pop and R&B. She opened for Stevie Nicks’ 2023 tour and, as of this May, has released a brand new EP, “don’t hold me accountable,” exploring the dynamics and hardships of navigating relationships as a female in your twenties.

Mäx: Okay, so I will start. Thank you for meeting us, first of all. 

Cil: Thank you for having me. I'm so excited. 

Mäx: So we're really excited about all your new music that has been coming out in recent months. As your new EP “don't hold me accountable,” with seven songs, has been released in May, what would you wanna share about it with those who may have never listened to your music before, maybe? 

Cil: I mean, I would say that the music, especially, “don't hold me accountable,” with this current EP. It's really just my honest interpretation of, you know, a lot of the feminine experience of going through relationships in your early twenties and kind of the ups and downs and the turmoil that that can be. But also, the real meaning behind it is what it means to find yourself in the process of falling in love and falling out of love and everything in between. So I guess that's what I would say. 

Mäx: That's such a great message, as well. Is there any, like, more personal message you had behind this EP, while writing on it? 

Cil: I think this EP really was a moment for me to break out of my shell and kind of forget about the ideas that I had already put in place for myself of who I was and who I needed to be. It meant a lot for me to write because, you know, I'd always put myself in a box of, “I needed to be soft. I needed to be quiet. I needed to just do what everybody wanted me to do.” And writing this EP, it was kind of the opposite of that. You know what I mean? This was a moment for me to say, you know what? I don't have to be quiet. I don't have to just take the unfairness. I don't need to take that. I can speak my mind and I also matter in the conversation, and I matter in the relationships, or I matter, you know, I matter. And I struggled a lot with self-worth growing up. And, I think that being able to release music was really the one thing that loved me back. And that's something that I've always said, music is my whole life, it was the one thing that I really feel loved me back. And it has also given me a voice that I never had before. Yeah.

Mäx: It's really a strong message. I think it's all important, you've kind of talked about the voice you've had. Maybe, as you are a female artist in the music industry, are there any professional challenges that you had to face or overcome as well, besides the personal ones, of course? 

Cil: Yeah. I mean, I think that as a young woman, you know, you're always gonna find, you know, challenges, especially going into male-dominated industries. I think that's just a given and a guarantee. And it was something that I was really prepared for going into what I knew I was going into at a young age, even. I think my biggest struggle was just finding the right people to trust, finding the people who would allow me to be who I was as messy and, sometimes, kind of insane that I can be. And also not judging me for it and holding space for me to be who I needed to be in order to make the art that was going to make an impact, not just on my personal life, but on other people's as well. You know? I came into, you know, I mean, my whole life, I always wanted to feel like I was reaching for something more. Like, I wanted to have a purpose. And I remember, you know, writing songs and feeling like, oh, I can really help people with what I'm doing, or at least I would hope. You know what I mean? Because that's really the dream, being able to help people with what you do and with your art and your expression. And, yeah, my biggest struggle finding the right people to trust because a lot of the time, I was really young when I moved out to L.A., I was by myself. And, I put my trust in the wrong people a lot because it was really a way of surviving. And, you know, as I've gotten older, I've found people and met people who have taken me and protected me truly. You know what I mean? And that was a big struggle for a long time.

Mäx: Yeah. I mean, I can totally see that it's struggling to find the right people to trust. I think it's in every aspect of life that comes to place. Maybe you have any tips for any other aspiring artists who are trying to fit in the scene or, like, looking for the music niche? Is there anything that helped you?

Cil: Honestly, I mean, I feel like I'm still figuring it out, obviously. You know? Like, I'm 23. This is my second EP. I don't feel like I know much yet. But from what I do know, if I were to give anybody advice, I would just say, don't let anybody change who you are. You know? No matter how bad you want something, it's not worth compromising who you are and what you wanna make; the art you wanna make, and the integrity of the art is the most important thing. So always make sure that's the biggest priority for you. And I think that I had gotten that advice in the past, and it's something that I've really learned over the past year, you have to be strong in your beliefs. You have to be strong in the music that you wanna make, and you have to be strong in the person that you wanna be, too, because you will turn a corner and there will be 10 people that wanna change that. You know what I mean? 

Mäx: Would you say that being strong and learning yourself in a new way is something you worked on while you released your EP? Is it something that inspired you, while maybe writing your lyrics or music, and so on? 

Cil: You know, I always say that when I write music, I never really know where it's coming from until after the fact. I'm sure a lot of artists would agree with that. You create something, and then you don't really know what it means until you take a step back and look at it. And through this EP, I had things that were inspiring me, and I think that a lot of that was just the trials of my own personal life and going through what I was going through. But as I've seen it, as I've released it and let it go, I've realized that this music and this project taught me that later. It showed me what can happen when you let go and you decide to say what's on your mind, you decide to be authentically yourself, you know? It can be terrifying, and it's the unknown, very much so, but it's so important because it's a stepping stone for getting you to where you wanna be and living out your true purpose.

Mäx: I think for you, it certainly is, getting there. All the music you've been releasing is really great in my opinion. You said you're writing, and it just comes to you. Is there anything specific in your creative process that you kind of start when you begin your new music projects? Anything that you're usually doing every time you're writing? 

Cil: Well, in my creative processes, they're all very personal and they're all very based on my life and based on where I'm coming from and what I've experienced and, when I get in the studio, a lot of the time, it's things that have inspired me in my life that I come in with. I try not to put too many expectations on my music and my art, especially because I think that expectations kill creativity in a lot of ways. But it's a process of mine; I started out freestyling. And I think it's more so being the vessel to allow whatever is coming through you to come in. I think that human beings are these vessels. We are energy. And when you are energetic, you are able to attract energy. And by freestyling and just allowing freedom, whether it's in the studio or whether I'm sitting at my piano or whatever. Like, it doesn't matter where I am. I just allow myself to let go in those moments. That's the biggest part of my process because I think that I'm naturally an overthinker, you know, and I spend a lot of time in my own head, which is a blessing and a curse. But, in the moments where I'm making music, it's those moments where I really get to let go and just allow emotion to flow. And, yeah, I think that that's never done me wrong.

Mäx: I think it's a great way to start the projects you're on. Maybe with your first EP, how would you say, is there anything you've learned or that has really changed since releasing your first EP, "Tears Dry On Their Own”? 

Cil: I mean, “Tears Dry On Their Own” is a very sentimental project to me. When I wrote that, I was really young, and I was figuring out my life and figuring out just how to survive on my own, and really self-teaching. And I didn't really have a lot of room to explore who I really was. I mean, I knew what I felt, and I knew that I just wanted to help other people with the things that I had learned. But I wasn't able to be intentional. And, for this new project, I think the difference has just been that I was able to really get intentional with the things that I was, you know, saying. And also in the sonic world, how it sounded, I was able to get intentional and really show a lot of things that had inspired me over the past, I would say, five years. You know what I mean? And that includes the time of “Tears Dry On Their Own” and everything, but I had finally had the ability to express those things. So, yeah, I mean, the biggest difference was that. 

Mäx: Yeah. Makes total sense. I mean, did you write your first EP in Colorado then? And how was it to move to such a big city like Los Angeles from your hometown?

Cil: Well, when I moved to L.A., I was 17. And, I wrote that entire project around the first couple of years that I was living here. In Colorado, you know, I didn't have a lot of access to, you know, music and other musicians and, you know, fellow artists that, you know, inspired me. And, when I moved to LA, it was, like, my biggest priority. My only priority was just to make songs. You know? I just wanted to make music. And, I wrote it in the process of me processing, living in this big city by myself, trying to figure out who I was, also how to be an adult, how to be a woman, how to be, you know, self-sufficient and self-reliant. And, you know, you can hear a lot of that in the first EP, and I think that I still am sometimes, I still feel like that, you know, young girl with nothing and having no idea where I'm going or who I am. But, you know, the one thing that always gives me power and gives me strength is the music. And, Yeah. It was weird. It was a weird, really cool growth experience with the first EP. And the second one, I think, was more of a self-realization, and it was, you know, more based on self-awareness and really being able to pay attention to my personal life for the first time. You know? 

Mäx: Is there any song that was harder than usual to write for your new EP? 

Cil: You know, “rhythm of love” was one of the toughest to write, and it wasn't because it came harder to me or it was, you know, more complicated to write. It was more so from the emotional side of things. It was really tough because I was finally breaking down a lot of these walls that I had put up, not only in my first EP but also in this most recent EP as well. When I write music, I come from a place of confidence, but in that confidence, there's the wall that's been built up, it is a wall of fear and fear of being abandoned, and it's created like this hard shell of confidence. And with “rhythm of love,” I really took down that wall. I took down the anger response, I guess. And I allowed myself to just be vulnerable in the things that I truly felt. You know? And I've done that before, in songs like “Try” and "Sunsets from Space”, but “Rhythm of Love" was really honest. And, you know, when you're honest, it's hard to be honest with yourself. You know, I think it's easier to be honest with others and, you know, really it's just easier. And but to be honest with yourself, you have to you have to recognize, you know, where you've gone wrong, but also you have to realize, you know, like, that you are afraid, that you are sad, that somebody had the capability of hurting you even though you've put walls up to try to not allow anybody to. You know? 

Mäx: Yeah. I think the listeners can really hear the vulnerability in this song, but also generally in your music, which, if I think, is really good because it brings a way of connection to the artist. Right? So speaking of connections, you recently opened for Stevie Nicks. How was this? Were there any memorable moments that you still think about today, or anything fun you can share?

Cil: It's funny because the whole thing was so memorable, you know; the way I found out and leading up to the tour and then the tour, like, there are so many things I could tell you about what was so memorable about it. Obviously, Stevie's incredible, and she's a legend and an icon, and so it's just crazy. But I remember right before, I had gone on this tour previously, and it was 200 people per room, and it was a beautiful tour. I felt so connected to everybody on that, and it was my first one ever. Nobody knew who I was. I didn't really have any music out. I think the only song that was out was “One More Shot,” and I was just like, alright. I'm going on the road. You know? And, with Stevie, it was just such a wild change. You're going from playing for 200 people to 15,000 people every night. And I remember being so afraid of that, and there was so much anxiety surrounding that. Leading up to the tour, I remember it wasn't a good time. Like, I was not having a good time. I was terrified. But then the minute I got on that stage with her for the first night, I think we were in Seattle, there was this moment that I felt like I was so scared, and I was so stressed out, and I was overthinking and overthinking. And then all of a sudden, I sang, and all of that went away, and that flow came back to me. The same exact flow that I hold in my process of writing, and I hold in music. It's like the one place that I let go, and I'm not thinking about anything. You know what I mean? I think that was the most memorable part, realizing the power of this career that I'm building for myself, and these moments of being on stage and this music, the power that it held over me and giving me the ability to be free, truly free, in those moments. That was, you know, the biggest gift that Stevie gave to me and also the biggest gift that I've been able to give myself in my life. 

Mäx: Sounds wonderful. I hope there are many more opportunities like this for you. You already have two upcoming shows in L.A. and New York. What are you most excited about for these shows? Maybe more on the fan interaction side? Do you have anything cool planned? Anything you can share?

Cil: I mean, these shows, I'm so excited about them, and the reason they're so special to me is because they're my first headline shows. They're my first shows that I won't be supporting anybody. It's really just me. It's that fear again. But at the same time, I know that I know what's waiting for me on the other side, and that's just love and the ability to do exactly what I set out to do, which is to connect with people and to give them a piece of me, no matter what it means to them. To me, this is what my purpose is, and this is what I've chosen to do. And I'm just so excited to be able to connect with people who have followed my journey, you know, since the beginning, and also who have been such a huge part in creating this altogether. You know? Because those are the people who deserve the most thanks and the most gratitude, they are the ones who are listening. I am grateful to them. I am also just so excited to know them and to feel them truly. And to give them that piece of myself that I've been waiting to give for a long time. Like, I think that these two shows are two of the most important shows that I'll play this year. 

Mäx: Yeah. I think they will probably have a lot of good resonance with your fans. I mean, if it's your first headline show. I feel like often the artists and the fans, in the early stages, connect the most in these more intimate settings. How do you usually go about putting together a set list, especially now for your headline shows? 

Cil: Obviously, I play favorites, but also, I really just like to have fun with my set list. Whatever I feel like is resonating most with me, and also with the people who support me. Whatever is resonating with us the most, I choose to play. Again, I don't put too many expectations on it. I kind of let it flow when I'm choosing a set list. But, yeah, I definitely have a couple in mind that I already are always guaranteed with every show, and I think that that's “Bloodsucker,” “One More Shot,” “pretty years,” has become one that I just love to perform to, which I've felt very much so over the past couple months, with releasing the EP and and performing it. It's just, it's been one of my favorites to perform. So I'm excited to do that. And, yeah, we'll see what comes next. 

Mäx: Yeah. Are there any goals you have as a musician at the moment? Something on your bucket list? 

Cil: I mean, I used to have a very long list of things I wanted to achieve and things I wanted to do. And I realized that I have this one purpose, and that's to play my music for people who care, and that's my biggest goal. If it's 100,000 people or if it's 10, it doesn't really matter to me right now. What matters to me is just connecting with the people that matter and the people that I can make an impact on in any way, shape, or form. 

Mäx: Yeah. What makes you feel like you are where you belong right now? Do you have any specific hobbies or people that make you feel you belong?

Cil: I think that my family has always made me feel like I belong. And my family, not just my immediate family, but the family that I have made and created along the way. I think those people keep me true to who I am, no matter what's going on in my life. I think that's the biggest reward, right? It's like, you go on this journey of life and you find people that are worth loving and that love you. In a world like we live in, I think that's really hard to come by nowadays. I think that I also have this peace of knowing that I'm on the right track, just because when you know, you know. You just kind of have that feeling, and no matter how stressful every day gets or life gets, you know that deep down inside, there is that feeling of, “Well, I know where I'm going, and I know where I'm gonna end up. And this is the journey.” Stevie gave me a really good piece of advice while we were on tour. We were in San Francisco, and it was one of our last shows. And she told me to enjoy this part of the journey because this is the part that you tell stories about. This is the part that people wanna write about. This is the part that you wanna talk about. It's not the end. It's the story in the middle.” And as cliche as that might sound, it was the most valuable piece of advice that I've ever received. And it allowed me to live in the moment. I think that it also gives me a sense of peace knowing, “You know where you're headed.” So enjoy the journey and live it as best that you can because you wanna be able to remember it. 

Mäx: Yeah. I think the small steps along the way are sometimes the ones that people treasure the most. It's wonderful advice. So lastly, we have an artist recommendation playlist on Spotify where the interviewed artists always put in their favorite songs. So, do you have any favorite songs you listen to that you wanna share? 

Cil: Well, my favorite song right now is “God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys. That was like it's a song that's, like, kind of always been, like, with me. You know? And it's the Beach Boys, who have always been a huge inspiration to me, especially Brian Wilson. 

Mäx: Yeah. I mean, it's a good song. 

Cil: It's a great song. It's such a sentimental song to me, in the journey of figuring out where I wanna go next. I think that they've been really inspiring to me recently.

Mäx: Well, thank you for taking the time to talk to us today.

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